Thankful and Blessed

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! It's hard to believe that it has been three months since I last wrote. Things have been crazy around here but since I have a little bit of down time today I thought I'd take the chance to be thankful publicly.

Above all, I am thankful for my relationship with a loving God who offers me peace in the midst of trials and storms, grace in my shortcomings, love and encouragement in my daily life, protection from this crazy world, and an everlasting life with Him to look forward to.  I cannot imagine living life without His presence, without the knowledge that He is for me and He is with me always. 

I am thankful for my parents for so many reasons. My childhood was ideal, I wanted for nothing --each of my physical, spiritual, and emotional needs were always met and were met with love, support, encouragement, discipline, hope, and laughter.  Now my children get to experience that same love and support and it is a blessing to watch.

I am thankful for my brother Brian and my sister Shannan.  Growing up we fought often and although our relationships today aren't what they could be, I love them and I'm grateful for the many memories we've made together.

I am thankful for Jason.  We have had peaks and valleys, some very high and some very low, and yet God is still working in us to grow us into what we vowed and promised to be for each other 6 years ago. I am thankful for the work he does for our family and for the way he gives so generously. There is nobody else who I'd rather fall asleep with and wake up beside each day.

I am so thankful for Riley ~ What a blessing we were given almost 4 years ago. Her personality, her spunk, her creativity, her wit, her imagination....I am amazed.  She is so smart and so funny and honestly is just so much fun to be around.  I am thankful for her spirit, for her love and trust in God, for her grace and patience as a big sister, for her morning hugs, for her made up songs, and most of all for her kisses and "I love you"s.

I am so thankful for Logan ~ It's hard to believe that I doubted I'd be able to love another child.  From the beginning Logan has shown us her own personality.  She is possibly the happiest person I know.  Her smile, laugh, and constant joy are uplifting.  She loves to dance and listen to music and she is starting to sing some of her own tunes! I adore the times when we are rocking in the darkness and she curls her head on my neck and I just listen to her breathe.  I'm thankful that her health is perfect now and all of our worries have been erased, God is good! I can't wait to hear more from her sweet voice as she continues to learn to talk.

I am very thankful for my dear friends.  I have some wonderful people who I call friends who have laughed with me, cried with me, celebrated with me, grieved with me, encouraged me, prayed with and for me, and who love me unconditionally.  I am blessed to have fun-loving, Godly friends to lean on in all circumstances.

I am thankful for our new house.  Our old house was just too small. We were happy there and were surrounded by great neighbors but having more space and being in a different part of town have been wonderful blessings for us.  I am thankful that we were in a position to afford this house and build it the way we wanted it.

I am thankful for my career as a teacher. I take my role very seriously and pour a lot of myself into the kids in my classroom. I love the moment when a child accomplishes something new, meets a goal, exceeds his own expectations because of something I have done to help.  I have learned a lot about life from watching and listening and guiding young lives who come from many different types of homes and situations. I am blessed to work with people who also love kids and are willing to work together to make life and learning possible for the ones entrusted to us on a daily basis.

I am thankful for my freedom.  I take so much for granted and I know that it is because of so many willing to sacrifice on my behalf that I am able to do so.

I hope that you are able to see how many things we truly have to be thankful for and count them all as blessings.  Happy Thanksgiving!

A Negative that's very Positive!

So many of you have lifted our family, specifically Logan, up in prayer lately and I wanted to let everyone know that the results of her EEG have returned negative! 
If I'm completely honest, my first reaction was relief followed by a bit of disappointment.  Strange huh?  The relief is obvious but the disappointment surprised me.  It wasn't as if I wanted something to be wrong, it's just that it felt like it wasn't a real answer in some way.  Doubts crept in about the results, the testing, the facility, the drs/nurses.... and then I remembered - this IS what we prayed for! This IS what we wanted! And then I was able to thank God for His grace and mercy yet again, that Logan's health and strength are exactly as they should be, and we can move on knowing that He continues to hold her in His mighty, capable hands. 

My Daddy ~ by Riley

For Father's Day I asked Riley to fill in the blanks about her Daddy.  Enjoy! :)

My Daddy's name is Jason.

How old is Daddy? 41 I think.

How tall is Daddy? big, big, BIG! (arms stretched out)

Daddy's favorite color is green.

Daddy's favorite food is potatoes!

One thing Daddy loves to do is play dress up with me.

The best thing Daddy cooks is all of the things.

I love it when Daddy gives me a tickle on my armpits.

I think Daddy is great at cooking and sleeping.

When I grow up, I want Daddy to love me and marry me.


Daddy is good at eating.

My Daddy is great because he's really great!

Is there anything else you want to tell Daddy?  Yes, I will when he gets here.

Daddy

For Mother's Day I was able to post about personal experience as a Mommy and was able to honor my Mom.  Today I want to honor my Dad as well as Jason for being amazing fathers and role models for me and for our girls.

Dad,
Thank you! Thank you for making the rule that you always go to church, no matter what, no excuses - it has transferred into our family life and was the beginning of my faith journey.  Thank you for teaching us to prepare for everything and try to get to places/meetings with time to spare - because of you I am organized and on time.  Thank you for setting the example in tithing - because of you we have put God first in our finances.  Thank you for the high expectations you always set for me - because of you I push myself and strive for the best and to be the best I can be.  Thank you for singing all the time - because of you I've learned the lyrics to MANY songs and I've learned that singing is good for the soul.  Thank you for teaching me the Bible alphabet - because of you I'm able to say "W - What time I am afraid I will put my trust in Thee". Thank you for loving Mom so openly - because of you, I knew the kind of man I wanted to marry.  Thank you for being tough and realistic - because of you I'm able to step back from a difficult situation and look at the facts.  Thank you for always being at every softball game I played, every move-in day at Winthrop, and reading to my class every year - because of you I felt important, valued.  Thank you for bragging about me and my accomplishments, however small they were. Thank you for believing in me and making me feel special.  Thank you for loving my girls with open arms and a smile - because of you they have a Poppa who is willing to swim, wear silly bands, paint his fingernails, and play with sidewalk chalk. You have no idea how excited Riley is about her loud day with you! Thank you for being a wonderful Dad and Poppa!  I love you! Happy Father's Day!

Jason,
Thank you!  Thank you for choosing me to spend the rest of your life with.  Thank you for loving me and creating two beautiful children with me.  Thank you for teaching me that children need a Daddy - someone to throw them in the air while I cringe thinking their neck/back will break or they'll crash into something, someone to toss them onto the couch as they pratice "flying", someone to give them fruit snacks for breakfast and ice cream during lunch, someone who will let them ride on their shoulders and see the world from a different point of view, someone who will gladly dance with them and be Prince Charming.  Someone who's hands seem larger than life and who's hug can protect them from anything the world might throw their way. Someone to play music too loud and wrestle with on the floor. Someone to take them to the playground and splash with in the pool. You have never had a more precious look on your face than the days that you first held Riley and Logan.  Thank you for loving both of our girls so much and for being the true meaning of Daddy in their world.  Thank you for taking that responsibility seriously, the girls are blessed to have you in their lives!  I am thankful for all the memories you've already made with them and I'm looking forward to what else we'll be able to accomplish together!  I love you! Happy Father's Day!

Logan

Whew, what a crazy ride it has been!  Logan will be 8 months old tomorrow (where has the time gone!) and within the last month she has been through some crazy stuff.  A little over a month ago we started noticing her making a strange jerking motion with her head that took her head over to her left shoulder.  It started out being two or three times a day and moved to being episodes of five or six at a time throughout the day. I tried charting it ~ time of day, what she had eaten, what was happening at the time...there was no pattern or consistency at all so we took her to Dr. Hansen who referred us to a neurologist.  We began the testing process to determine what was causing the episodes with the mindset of elimiating seizures or brain function abnormalities first.  Our first step was a sleep deprived EEG.  On Mother's Day we had to keep Logan awake until late at night then wake her up at five in the morning and keep her awake until noon.  She was a champion!  Then, after hooking her up to 27 electrodes, they let her fall asleep for 15 minutes and then woke her up to flash lights in her eyes to monitor how her brain reacted to a stressful situation.  I wish they would've monitored me, certainly my blood pressure! Most positive memorable moment during the process was the nurse asking me a question and then telling me to keep talking because Logan's brainwave activity spiked while I was speaking!  Even while she was asleep, she recognized and responded to my voice! This is a picture of her staying up late - look at that smile! The other picture is sleepy Logan after she was all hooked up ~ bless!

Logan truly did a great job and I felt so proud of her!  Then we met with Dr. Nahourii in Charlotte about the results and I have to say that he is one of the most knowledgeable doctors I have ever encountered.  He told us that the EEG results were negative and then Logan started doing her jerking and he started studying her with it.  I was so glad that he got to see it happen in person, it really is hard to describe unless you see her do it.  He started listing all of the possibilities and then doing different simple tests with her while asking us questions to eliminate many of the options.  I was very impressed!  He determined that it is either partial seizures, a motion disorder, or something related to sugar or calcium levels in her blood.  We were told to return for a 24 hour EEG and given a lab order for bloodwork. 

The 24 hour EEG consisted of being hooked up to the same 27 electrodes except this time they were wrapped in what I can best describe as a gauze turban and attached to a little medical battery pack.  We were supposed to keep it on her for 24 hours and write in detail what she was doing throughout the day.  This too went very well, Logan is far braver and more adaptable than I could ever be.

Riley thought Logan's special doctor hat was great and surprisingly Logan didn't mess with it or pull at it while she had it on.  She even slept pretty well with it on.  The next morning Logan woke up with a smile and stayed in a pretty good mood while we removed all of the electrodes, but it was a chore!  Each one was taped on with medical tape (she has a lot of hair!) and the electrodes were stuck on with gobs of wax so they were stuck all over her head too.  Even Riley "helped" with the process. At the end of it all we covered her hair in conditioner (tip from the nurses) and then let her drink her bottle before we tried to wash it all out!



 

Today was the bloodwork and it was traumatic!  Logan was tired so the timing wasn't great and the nurses couldn't find a vein on either arm so the decision was made to use a finger prick instead.  That wouldn't have been so bad if they didn't need to fill FOUR viles!  It took 35 minutes and to say that we were both highly stressed and shaken from the experience is an understatement.  I kept reassuring her that I was there but she was looking at me while I was holding her down as if to say "make it stop" which was heartbreaking! Thankfully the testing process, at least for now, is over and we are waiting for results that should come within a week. 

Thank you for everyone's thoughts and prayers and encouragement, it means so much to us!  We know that Logan was created by God and that He is not surprised or confused by what's going on and He has her in His hands at all times.  He loves her even more than we do, that's a great foundation to stand on through all of this!

And so, even though she can't read this yet, I wanted to write this post to honor Logan and all that she's been through lately.  Baby girl does it all with a smile and a chuckle and a clap and a twinkle in her eye that melts this Momma's heart.

 

I love you Logan, Happy 8 Month Birthday <3





A Mommy's Life

A mother is a special person for many reasons.  I happen to believe wholeheartedly that I have one of the best mothers that ever existed and I strive daily to be the best Mommy I can be to Riley and Logan. Let me tell you though, motherhood isn't for the weak!  The process begins internally when a child starts developing inside of you and you can feel kicks, bumps, and twirls knowing that something very important and special, a miracle in fact, is occurring inside of you.  The amount of love and devotion that comes with the knowledge that God is creating a person inside of you is inexplicable.  Then, the obvious part, the birth.  You know how preachers say that you should honor and serve God for no other reason than that Jesus gave His life on a cross?  I believe the same about mothers ~ they should be honored simply for giving birth! Whether a natural delivery or a c-section, all mothers incur a lot of pain bringing a child into this world and nobody should ever try to demean that or take that away from a woman who has suffered through it.  Motherhood brings sleepless nights, stained clothes, the loss of all privacy or personal life.  There are also the moments of silence in the rocking chair feeling a baby breathing on your neck peacefully asleep or times when you're staring into the crib wondering how you could have ever been given such a precious gift!  Even your conversations change, who knew so many discussions could revolve around breastmilk, poop color, and sleep habits! As a mother you celebrate every single milestone, big or small, and you jump into action at every cough or random sound.  You become a constant cleaner - cleaner of rooms, closets, toys, bottoms, hands, noses, and faces.  You start to notice the world around you much more thoroughly now that you are responsible for what your child sees, hears, experiences, and learns. You have to be the strength and comfort in the midst of pain and the constant reminder of rules and expectations.  Motherhood brings a new spark to your imagination.  You are the entertainment and the source of activity every day ~ you better be good with playdough, crayons, gluesticks, glitter, puppets, building blanket tents in the living room, and turning any cardboard box into an afternoon of fun!  Playing at the park, reading a book together, taking a walk and watching the clouds, listening to a child sing and dance to made up songs, these are the joys of motherhood.  Motherhood is full of trials and failures, as well as pockets of love and pride.  Tears of disappointment and tears of joy will be shed on numerous occassions.  And I've only had 4 years experience! While motherhood can be exhausting, daunting, and overwhelming, could there ever be a more important, precious blessing than to be called Mommy?  If you are a Mom, then I honor you!  I honor your dedication to your children and I say to you well done for what you've already accomplished!  Keep up the good work!

Now to my Mother: You are amazing!  I can never relate to someone who doesn't have a great relationship with their mom because you have blessed me in so many ways and surrounded me with support and love through every part of my life.  You continue to amaze me as a Nanny to Ethan, Riley, and Logan and I just want to say that I love you and admire you and want to be like you for so many reasons.  Thank you for believing in me, for encouraging me, for praying for me.  Thank you for being the ultimate example of God's grace and love in my life.  Thank you for your strength and for the way you sacrifice wanting nothing in return.  I love you!

Happy Mother's Day!

Who's Choking You?

I want to begin by saying that I feel so blessed to be a part of a church that is unwaivering when it comes to preaching God's never-ending, never-failing love.  I am so thankful for the ways that Elevation church has breathed fresh life into my marriage, my life as Mommy, and my teaching.

The message today was provided by TD Jakes, a very inspirational man of God, who spoke on the topic of forgiveness.  There were so many amazing points made and I don't think I'll come close to doing it justice but I wanted to share with you an overview of what he said because I really do think it can be life changing if forgiveness is something you struggle with, and really, who at some point in life hasn't struggled with it?

The message began with comparing unforgiveness to choking; literally taking the breath out of the life that God has intended for us to live. I thought that was such a strong visual of what unforgiveness can do.  Jakes pointed out that refusing to forgive someone is like drinking poison and waiting on the other person to die.......powerful right?  He also said that refusing to forgive someone is like refusing to exhale.  When you breathe, you take in what you do need and let out what you don't need.  In, out, in, out - one of God's natural systems created to sustain life.  The purpose of exhaling is to let out what isn't necessary. When you live a life spent holding on to grudges, grief, anger, and bitterness -- you are literally choking yourself and cutting off the life that has been meant for you to live. Essentially, when you let unforgiveness poison you from the inside, you and the people in your life are stuck living with what's left over of you and your potential.

More than anything else, the main point was driven home with the parable of a man who was forgiven of his debt of 10,000 talents but then showed wrath toward a man who owed him only 100 pence.  This act of power and anger was the exact opposite of the mercy and grace that had been given to him.  JUST LIKE JESUS.  Jesus has given us forgiveness....of everything .... EVERY thing, even the things nobody knows about and you aren't willing to share because they are from the depths of your mind that you don't want exposed to anyone.  If Jesus has shown you that kind of forgiveness, how can you not let forgiveness freely flow to the people around you?

So when we pray "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us" do we really mean it?  Do we really want God to treat us the way we treat people who have wronged us?  Do we really want the same treatment that we offer others?
We are human, we are flawed, we are broken....we will hurt each other.  We will do/say some things purposefully and with a spiteful spirit.  We will also hurt unintentionally.  Sometimes it's ourselves that we need to forgive.  But, whatever or whoever it is that is holding you back from your destiny, your potential, because it has turned into a situation of bitterness and unforgiveness ~ Let it go!  Be freed from it and move into what you have been called to be!

Imagine what it would be like to breathe freely and deeply again when you let go of what's been choking you!  I hope you got something out of this because it touched me so much I had to share.

My Current Favorites/Goals

I'm determined to start posting more often and I've seen some cute posts lately about personal favorites/goals so I thought I'd join in too.  Enjoy!

Favorite activity ~ Well don't you know I can't choose just one!  I'd have to say that just being able to be mommy and enjoy both of my girls is my favorite activity. I love playing, rocking, laughing, reading, and snuggling with my loves. Another one is my chance to hang out for Girl's Night - it's always nice to get some quality time with friends!

Favorite show ~ Any of the Housewives, it's mindless TV that allows me to have an hour of "me time" (except on those really lucky days where there's a BRAVO marathon!)

Favorite sound ~ Another toss up....Logan's laugh is so full-bodied and contagious I'm in love with hearing it and Riley singing Logan her morning song, there is nothing sweeter that could start my day!

Favorite food ~ Chocoloate (yes, it is a food)

Favorite song ~ "Living He Loved Me" Casting Crowns

Favorite website ~ Always loved Facebook but must say I'm slightly addicted to Pinterest right now. It's so nice to see so many creative ideas that are actually possible to recreate!

Favorite smell ~ Logan or Riley after a bath, mmmmmmm! 

Favorite restaurant ~ Cheesecake Factory, haven't been in awhile but would like to!

Favorite 6 month old ~ Logan Reynolds :)

Favorite 3 year old ~ Riley Reynolds :)

Goals for the next few weeks ~ Get some professional pictures taken of the girls, what's the point of having adorable, beautiful children with matching outfits if you aren't going to capture it on film? Read books 2 and 3 of the Hunger Games trilogy.  Attempt to eat better and get back into Zumba.  Be a more focused wife, poor Jason only gets what's left of my energy and attention after I've been teacher and mommy all day.  I need to be better about that! And lastly, post again soon!

Goal for the next year ~ I'd like to be happy when I look in the mirror, see pictures, or watch videos again.  Internally, I've never been happier.  I'm blessed beyond measure and I cherish that.  However, I've gotten complacent about my exterior and it's time to focus on that too!

Now, I'll leave with a Happy Easter and I hope you and your family were able to celebrate today in the knowledge that Jesus died but that wasn't the end, He rose and now lives forever!

Slacker...

So, I have a confession to make...Apparently I'm a slacker when it comes to keeping up with this blog!! I have NO idea how people blog so often! With Jason working most nights, it's all I can do to get everyone fed, bathed, and to bed before falling asleep myself. Now that it's spring break and I've enjoyed some down time, I'll catch you up on the Reynolds family. Riley has had some adventures lately - weekend at the farm at Brattonsville last weekend where she got to pet a cow, chicken, goat, sheep, and saw a giant pig. She also got to make a candle and marble colonial style. She loved it. The best part according to her was holding hands with her friend Ansley and running through the fields. She also got up have two Easter egg hunts at school this week. But last night was the best of all - her first trip to the circus! She was amazed at everything! She got to see elephants, tigers, poodles, and the clowns. Her favorite part was the pony ride, her smile was priceless! She ate cotton candy and a snowcone and she took turns sitting with me, Poppa, Shannan, and Chad. I watched her face more than I watched the circus- pure joy! Logan has started sitting up for a little bit at a time without help and she has become very vocal and tests her volume often :) she screams, squeals, and growls and then laughs at all of the sounds she is able to create. Riley is still her favorite firm if entertainment and she is definitely a Daddy's girl! We are spending our first part of the week here in charleston with mom and dad and then head back to Rock Hill on Wednesday so we can spend time with Jason and have Easter weekend together. Im planning to get pictures made if the girls for Logan's six month birthday towards the end of the week, hopefully both girls will cooperate! After this week there are only five weeks of school left - yay!! Then I'll be able to be a full time Mommy, and thanks to Pinterest, we'll be having all kinds of fun! As for the next few days, we will be playing and relaxing and taking at least one day trip to the beach. I'm certainly thankful for this break!
And now, I will try to stop being so slack and try to blog more often! If you blog more than once a month :), how do you find time to do it?

Daddy's Girl

I am a little heartbroken. Riley has officially become "Daddy's girl" and I have been moved to the second rung on her ladder. I used to be the one she wanted help from, snuggles and kisses, time reading books together...I was the main choice. Now, the phrase "I want Daddy to do it" is what I hear when I offer to do something with her or for her. I know that every girl has a special place in her heart for her Daddy but I guess I didn't realize that meant some of the affection she has for Mommy gets replaced so easily! I'm thankful that she has a wonderful Daddy to love her and play with her - Jason is an amazing father. But, if I'm honest, it makes me a little bit jealous! I know she still loves me and it warms my heart to see Riley and Jason together. For now, I'll keep offering my time and affection and I'll focus on the time I have left with Logan while I'm still number one to her!

All Nighters...

Let me begin by saying that I have never been a person who can do well with little sleep. I am not a person who stayed up all night in college either studying for tests or partying and then slept a little bit and felt fine the next day.  I am extremely cranky when I'm tired, just ask Jason!  Having two children, sleep is a precious commodity that I don't take for granted! All of this buildup to let you know that today, I worked off of barely any sleep.
Logan got her 4 month shots yesterday afternoon at 4:00 and then we came home.  She was not happy about the shots (really, is there an infant who is?) but recovered quickly and did fine with going to bed at her normal time around 7.  I went to bed at 10:30 feeling like all was well. Around 11:30, she started making a strange moaning sound. I figured she had lost her paci, went in to check on her, replaced the paci and then went back to sleep. At 12:30 same thing happened but this time I figured I'd go ahead and feed her since it would be close to time anyway.  Well as soon as I picked her up, I panicked.  I have never felt a body that hot.  Her cheeks were deep red and she wasn't opening her eyes all the way, just moaning. I immediately had flashes of getting both girls dressed and heading to the hospital.  I gave her some Motrin then tried to give her a bottle because by this time she was crying.  She threw it all back up almost instantly and that's when the crying/screaming began. Then I attempted to take her temperature and the thermometer wouldn't turn on, dead battery.  I just used it the other day!  So I woke up Jason and told him to take Logan, I was going to go to the store.  He couldn't believe how hot she felt either.  I drove all the way to Walgreens near Winthrop only to realize my wallet is in the diaper bag from the appointment earlier! Drive all the way back home, try to console Logan while Jason goes back to the store.  (We're at 2:45 by this point).  She fell asleep on my chest but when he got home we took her temp and it was 102.6 under her arm.  She got worked up and upset again then finally went back to sleep until 4:45 when practically the exact same situation happened -- woke up moaning, was crazy hot and red, threw up attempted bottle. I called the answering service for our dr and they said to dress her lightly, give her a larger dose (due to her weight) of Tylenol for fever and basically not worry about it.  Well, with this bout of crying/screaming from Logan, Riley woke up (of course right!) and she thought it was morning play time.  Both girls finally fell back asleep by 6:15, as did Jason and I, only to all wake up again at 7 to start the day with more moaning and crying and high fever.  I made the appointment for 10:10 (soonest we could get in), got breakfast made, got Riley ready to go to work with Jason and then held little lady until it was time to go.  For those of you who know Logan, she does not cry.  She does not get upset.  She is very laid back.  NOT TODAY!  Poor thing was crying, moaning, screaming, frustrated, and sad and it broke this momma's heart!  She cried at the appointment at which Dr. Hansen assumed it was shot related but was concerned with how high the fever was and that it wasn't breaking with the medicine.  He said to watch her carefully for any rash or difficulty breathing and that within 24 hours it would either get worse or get better.  Well I'd already been praying since the wee hours of the morning but I amped it up immediately.  I won't give you every detail of the day but Logan was inconsolable most of the afternoon.  A huge shout out to our neighbor Jessica who let Riley come play with her daughter while I took care of Logan and attempted to nap.  The fussiness continued until Logan finally got a good nap from 2:30 - 4:30 (Riley was awake though - only a short 30 min nap for me) and woke up only warm and in a better mood.  By 6:00 her fever was only 100 and she was smiling, laughing at Riley, and her eyes were open all the way.  She went to bed well around 7:30 and is soundly sleeping as I type this. I have no idea what is in store for tonight but I know that there was an exhaled breath I didn't realize I was holding when I heard her laugh and saw that the fever was dropping!  God is good!
So, my prayer is that everyone involved is completely exhausted enough to sleep soundly all night long and that everyone remains healthy through the night.  Because let me promise you this....I made it through today with purposeful attention to not being cranky due to exhaustion and tried to give as much TLC to both girls throughout the day as I could, but I don't see how it would be possible to do it again tomorrow!  And now, this Momma is headed to bed!

Big Sister Duties

I just looked back through my facebook status updates from the past few days and realized that Riley is getting sort of a bad rap. I've been sharing some of her more dramatic three year old moments, including her claiming that I ruined her night because I wouldn't give her any more shaving cream for her "white pie" she makes in the tub.  She has certainly had moments in the past week or so where I have had to count to ten or let Jason step in and just walk away repeating to myself "I don't believe in violence, I don't believe in violence" but I don't want to put more attention on that than on how proud of her I truly am.
Riley's life changed completely 4 months ago.  We attempted to prepare her the best we could - we read books about it, we talked about it, I prayed about it - but she was 2 and there's only so much we could prepare for before Logan arrived. It wasn't real until Logan was born and home and a full-time addition to our family.  That day was the day that Riley earned a new name - Big Sister.  She is honestly the best big sister I could have ever hoped she would be to Logan.  Some of her Big Sister Duties include:
*singing a morning song to Logan every day when she wakes up (and let me tell you, Logan's eyes light up and her smile is ear-to-ear when she hears her sister's voice!)
*getting Logan's paci when I'm in another room and need it or giving her a paci if it falls out
*getting the empty bottles out of Logan's room from the night before and putting them in the sink
*putting Logan's clothes in her hamper when I'm changing her
*talking/singing to her in the backseat on a car ride
*picking out her socks
*giving her a hug and kiss each night
*playing independently while Logan gets a bottle or is going to bed
and many more tasks that basically involve being a supportive, loving, responsible, helpful little girl and she does all of it with an "ok" and  a "yes ma'am" and for the most part without even having to be asked! And thankfully, even in her moments of tantrums, refusals, and yelling fits, she has never taken anything out on Logan or seemed to be disappointed or jealous.  She has become a Big Sister beautifully and the way Logan adores her and watches her every move is proof that their relationship is already forming a bond that will never be broken. 
Dear Riley ~ Thank you for being such a good Big Sister, for stepping into that role seemlessly and loving your little sister wholeheartedly.  Mommy and Daddy are so proud of you and the love you have shown! 

My balancing act

Do you remember those guys who would spin plates on sticks? I feel like that's what my daily life has become! I start by spinning Riley's plate, then Logan's plate, then Jason's, then my teacher plate, family plate, relationship with God plate, laundry/chores plate...it's a balancing act that I don't think even involves a "me" plate anymore! It's tough because as soon as I get one plate "spinning" well, another one (or three) seem to wobble and require my attention. I know that I am not the only one who feels this way and I certainly don't think I have even close to the hardest life situations to deal with - but it can all get so overwhelming, can't it? When I was able to be at home during the day, I felt like I was able to accomplish so much more. Everything seemed to go so smoothly. Now that I'm back at work, I'm struggling with feeling like I'm doing everything partially well and doing nothing with the full attention or enthusiasm each person or responsibility deserves. I'm beyond thankful for my parents, friends, and most of all my husband because of the help I get from them. I just want to go back to feeling confident in my ability to balance it all and give attention, love, and energy to all of the different aspects of who I am called to be! So, how do you do it? How do you keep all of your plates spinning?

God is more important than Dora

Our church is currently in the middle of an "old school revival" called Code Orange Revival which will consist of 12 nights of preaching from all-star preachers from around the country.  I can tell you this, after two nights, I am certainly inspired and refreshed and can't imagine what I will feel like after ten more experiences with God's word in this sort of outlet! That being said, it has already been a struggle to not let satan gain control of the momentum this church and specifically this revival has already had and will have on our family.  Let me tell you what I mean...
I was hoping to go to almost all of the services in person but then we realized that with the travel time, lines, and need for both girls to eat and sleep, we wouldn't be able to go nearly as often as we wanted to.  No worries, we can watch it live streaming online, right? Well, the services begin at 7:00, Riley's normal time to watch Dora.  If you know Riley, you know how important Dora is in her routine!  So I had to have an important talk with Riley when the time came for the service to start - that God is more important Dora!  At first she just stared at me like I had spoken in tongues, but then she actually accepted it.  I got to have a great conversation with her about the importance of learning about God and showing Him that in our house nothing is more important than loving Him and spending time with Him.  I felt so proud of her, she handled it very well!  Then, the icing on the cake, when the music started, she recognized the song, sang along, and raised her hand.  It's a good feeling knowing that we are raising our girls to praise and worship, believe and pray, even if it means missing Dora :)
Hopefully we will be able to go to at least three or four experiences in person but if not, I know that we are still putting effort into starting our year by immersing ourselves in God's love, power, and spirit and believing that this opportunity will bless us in 2012!

Back to Reality...

Yesterday was my first day back at work in 13 weeks.  This is my 10th year as a teacher and this August I started the school year very big pregnant and worked until September 30th.  The next week was spent preparing for Logan's arrival and making the most of the time we had left as a family of three. Then Logan was born on the morning of the 6th and I spent the next 12 weeks completely engaging in being Mommy to my girls.  I took advantage of the time at home to stay in pajamas a lot of days, snuggle with Logan as much as possible, play with Riley, and hang out with Jason.  I was able to go at our pace ~ whatever needed to be accomplished in a day, we could do it whenever we wanted to.  We spent time having play dates with other friends of mine who stay at home with their children. I was able to go to Riley's school Christmas concert, something I wouldn't be able to do if I was back at work.  My favorite time of day was when Riley would wake up and then Logan would wake up and we'd be at the table eating breakfast in our pajamas talking about the day.  I was able to make biscuits, muffins, monkey bread, pancakes....basically take time to make the day start out right!  Jason and I would be drinking our coffee and it just felt good, it felt perfect to be honest with you. I also loved being able to sing and rock both of my girls and tuck them in for naptime. I felt so proud of Riley watching her be a big sister.  I felt so blessed to be able to enjoy such quality time with Logan and watch her change so rapidly as she learned to control her head and body movements and of course the days when she started to smile and coo ~ what could be better? Obviously, I absolutely loved being at home with my girls.  I would give anything to be able to continue staying home and experience these special moments on a daily basis, but it just doesn't work out financially for me to do that. At least I have the weekends to look forward to!
I do love teaching and I do know that there are a LOT of people in today's economy who are in need of a job and can't get one so I know that I should be grateful and deep down I am. It's just hard to feel like I'm going back to work and missing out on everything I enjoyed so thoroughly at home.  I've gone from spending the entire day with my girls and Jason to leaving the house before anyone is awake and coming home in time to spend 2-3 hours with the girls before bedtime.
I was blessed to get the time that I had at home and at least I get to go back to a great group of kids who missed me and who I can work for the way I would want Riley and Logan's teacher to work for them. Now the best part of the day is going into Kendall's house and hearing Riley's excitement that I'm there and watching Logan's gummy smile as she recognizes that I'm there!